Bugs & the Bux: Old Dog Learns New Trick

“Please explain the primary reason you were not highly satisfied with the accuracy of your order.”

Now, doesn’t this seem like a ridiculous or nit-picky question to ask on a customer survey?

To me, it does…here’s why:

I’ve been in customer service my entire life – haranguing people about their experience to a depth that Sigmund Freud would think is intrusive is not a characteristic I appreciate in a company or the person asking for the feedback. Remember the dog in the Bugs Bunny cartoons that always asked Bugs (his prey) “Which way did he go, George? Which way did he go?” with the adorable, yet annoying repetition and cadence that got you confused as to whether or not to feel sorry for the dog? I am Bugs Bunny and Starbucks (my long time favorite) is the dog.

Here’s my “ ‘Dat way…” response:

Highly satisfied would mean that I know the formulated way that the drink is made and that I also know that the barista, tweaked it, changing it to my specific taste, which I’ve never done (because I never was highly satisfied with a particular way a barista made my formulated drink, enough for me to stop and ask them “how did you just make my drink – I am highly satisfied” and then go on to continue to order an iced coffee in the exact same way, outside normal protocol and to my exact taste, in which case I would be “highly” satisfied each time I ordered it in that fashion) and being satisfied is like being pregnant, either you are or you’re not – there are no viable degrees of satisfaction when you are considering accuracy – either it’s accurate or it’s not. If I was served a caramel Frappuccino instead of my iced coffee, the order would be inaccurate and I could be highly dissatisfied with the entire visit, so accuracy and inaccuracy are really not in grades.”

The Bux is willing to give a free Tall drink, though, for their annoyance of completing a 5-minute (that’s a SUPER long time in the online world) online survey. That is what surveys are today for many customers: annoyances. I am rarely annoyed when I am asked to give a reasonable amount of time to feedback AND don’t have to give me email address: this is the case with the recent ploy by the Bux to get their data, called a Survey. By the way, Panda Express gives a free $1.25 entrée when you complete their online survey, too. Those that know me can assume that I like a good survey or two, especially if I think it will help a business that I like a lot or a person that is sincere in asking.

So, the businesses (en masse) asking for these random experiences to be quantified through filled bubbles and taken keystrokes are proving, to me at least, that they are willing, now, to pay for the respondent’s time. I have actually had my time paid for by Starbucks in “free drink” coupons by waiting too long for a drink at both drive-up and lounge windows. And, to get you back in, concerned and great customer service-oriented businesses will give something free to take the chance that you’ll buy something else while you’re there.

But, really: Asking a caffeine addict if they want free caffeine is like asking a crack addict if they want a hit…quite literally. They will come back, because they have no choice. Starbucks is my favorite crack…-aHem-…I mean, coffee shop.